Up and Down: Life in Paradise

I can't help but acknowledge that last week was the hardest yet here is paradise. I hit a low I wasn't expecting that sent me swirling into my head and the dark crevices of grey matter. What had I done moving across the world, giving up my known everything? The excitement and newness has worn off and reality set in. What sent me into my dark place was nothing in particular but a combination of everything. I was tired, homesick and frustrated at myself, my life, my job, etc. I think when I kept hearing, "Bali is paradise" and "you are so lucky" or "be open to the vibrant energy of Bali and good things will happen all around you," I was expecting great things...yesterday. And the reality is that change takes time and I am not on vacation. I am working and trying to find my place here, while adjusting to a major life shift. I had a scowl on my face around school (not in the classroom of course) and my village. I was unhappy and nothing could get me out of it. Period.

But living in a world with few walls or privacy, lends to intense human transparency. Everyone knew. So I had many wonderful co-workers and neighbors ask me what was wrong? Where was my happy face? What could they do to help? I cried a lot last week, so no happy face was in sight. But all things are in balance and I realized I was the only one who could pull myself out of my trough, and so I did. Thank god. I am better. And I am here. And my word of the day is acceptance. Pity party is over.

A few significant highlights at the week's end also helped. I left school on Friday after a long day of teaching and meetings and was told I had a care package in the office. I was so surprised!! I was offered assistance in carrying it across the river to my bungalow and I said, "no." I was so proud I wanted everyone to see what I had in my arms! Thank you Kari!!! (And Ed, Arlo and Brad!) I came home, fixed a refreshing icy drink, put my feet up and experienced Christmas all over again. I was stunned. I cried again, but this time in slobbery, thankful, happy sobs. I love love love getting treats from home. What a joy. And so much unexpected! Movies, books, clothes, food, toiletries, notes, etc. I think that saved me. Seriously. I piled it all on the little table and took a picture. And I stared at it for a long time, letting the kitties climb in and out of the box and wrappings. Then, I actually watched a movie that worked. Oh, the simple things in life.

Also I joined a group of 100 GS families and teachers and rafted the Ayung River on Saturday. It was a guided trip with lunch and so lovely. Being on the river just eases the mind. Being in the flow (literally) is calming and empowering at the same time. I needed that. I think we all did. The group was great, the kids had a blast, our guide was hilarious and it was fun.

Ebb and Flow. Yin and Yang. Happy and Sad. Up and Down. All is as it should be.